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I used to think you took my breath away, then I realised I was just suffocating on your bullshit.
MOTHERHOOD ... Powered by LOVE Fueled by COFFEE!!
Happy anniversary on escaping your mom's womb.
A lifetime is not long enough to love you
You are just like bacon, you make everything better. Happy Valentine's Day

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  • Failed another job interview today. Apparently taking part in an orgy isn’t proof that I can effectively work as part of a team.
  • I'll have you know, I want to kiss your lips, and at the same time I'd like to punch you in the face for even considering hurting me.
  • The 4th of July used to mean something. Now it's just a reminder for Walmart to put out Halloween decorations.
  • The older I get, the more I realize how much I fucking hate people.
  • If I hit snooze 3 times it should automatically send an email to my boss saying I'll be out sick.
  • Don't let the door hit you on the way out! Hell who am I kidding. I hope you fall down the Fucking stairs too.
  • If I ever have to run for my life, I would probably die.
  • Happy birthday, Claudiu!
  • I'd rather have you stare at my boobs than at your phone on our date.
  • I'd spend all 9 lives with you
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