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Googling your symptoms when you don't feel well is the most efficient way to convince yourself you're dying.
YOU are the SONG in my Heart
Bitchcraft : The art of pissing people off by telling them the truth.
Happy birthday, America!! I was going to get you a gift, but I had no money left after taxes.
Monday must be a man. It comes too quickly.
Congratulations to Michelle "The most interesting woman in the world" She can suck down those beers like there's no tomorrow
Congratulations on almost quitting smoking.
At 25 km I thought I was dead. At 30 km I wish I was dead. At 35 km I knew I was dead. At 42.2 km I realized I had become too tough to kill
May your latest relationship last longer than a seal during Shark Week.
This Thanksgiving, try not to bitch-slap your mother-in-law... ...at least not too hard.