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  • Don't let the door hit you on the way out! Hell who am I kidding. I hope you fall down the Fucking stairs too.
  • I hope you like this present better than I did when I received it.
  • I'm still waiting on the "Once you go black, you'll never go back" episode of Mythbusters.
  • I don’t get how people can have sex on airplanes. Where do they shower and cry when they’re done?
  • Most people don't realize this, but you can swim without telling Facebook about it.
  • If you have a problem with me please write it nicely on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope, fold it up and shove it up your ass.
  • Failed another job interview today. Apparently taking part in an orgy isn’t proof that I can effectively work as part of a team.
  • I’m sorry I totally ignored whatever dramatic crisis you’re making up in your head today.
  • I bet that when I was little girl my father never thought that I would grow up to be such a beautiful and loving financial obligation.
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