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Confession
Even the fish wouldn't have got caught if he would of kept his mouth shut
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There is no life without water, because without water there is no coffee and without coffee, I will kill you all :)
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I apologize that being a parent is very hard to fit into your schedule but what I did was canceled my life to make it work
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This could be my medication talking but im feeling good
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I am not a complete idiot!!! There is a few parts missing.
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I'm sorry for the unkind words I spoke out of hunger.
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Your ass must get jealous of all the shit that comes out of your mouth.
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Dear life, When I asked if my day could get worse, it was a rhetorical question not a challenge.
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I'm already going to Hell. Now I'm just trying to get a good spot!
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Some people have the calm before the storm. I have the panic before the nothing.
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If you have a problem with me please write it nicely on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope, fold it up and shove it up your ass.
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Know how I know I like you? When I think about you I get all tingly in my special place.
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I'm kind of lady, but definitely more of a pervert.
Your face looks like a pussy and I'm in the mood for fisting.
Tried to count my swear words for one day. F**k that shit. I was born to swear.
You know you're really stressed when you start getting on your own nerves...
I don’t need Therapy. I have Wine.
I apologize that being a parent is very hard to fit into your schedule but what I did was canceled my life to make it work
Your ass must get jealous of all the shit that comes out of your mouth.
I used to care, but now I take a pill for that
Men will never know the agony of childbirth, menstrual cramps or taking off glitter nail polish.
I am not a complete idiot!!! There is a few parts missing.