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I used to care, but now I take a pill for that
You say Merry Christmas... I say pass the vodka.
I love you and your sexy ass
We should celebrate this great nation of immigrants as soon as I see your proof of citizenship.
I'm pretty sure Santa chooses Ho Ho Hos before Bros.
All I want for Christmas is someone to fake an orgasm for.
Dear Mother Nature, Get back on your meds, open a bottle of wine, & start thinking warm, happy thoughts!
A real best friend makes your family question your sexuality.
I declare that Groundhog's Day is bullshit. Who's with me?
Today is a perfect day for you to treat an American veteran significantly better than America does.