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Let's celebrate the day you gave up on finding anyone better than me.
Googling your symptoms when you don't feel well is the most efficient way to convince yourself you're dying.
You can't fix stupid, but you can watch it in action on Facebook every day.
It's always better to top off on muffin tits. Never on muffin tops.
My condolences on losing your balls.
I used to think you took my breath away then i realized I was just being suffocated by your bullshit!
If you can not win an argument, correct their grammar instead.
I'm opening a gym called 'Resolutions'. It will have exercise equip- ment in it for the first two weeks and then it turns into a bar for the rem...
Before you ask someone why they don't like you, ask yourself why you care.
that moment when you abandon the group prank call script and wing it... "IM FROM THE VA BCH DEPT OF DEA BUREAU.. WE'LL BE RAIDING YOU IN A HOU...