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4th of July
St. Patrick's Day
Thinking of you
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Nothing says the "true meaning of Christmas" like scaring your kids into being good with a creepy Elf on the Shelf.
A lifetime is not long enough to love you
I'm sick of all the Irish stereotypes. As soon as I finish this drink I'm punching someone.
America was not shut down properly. Would you like to start America in safe mode, with free healthcare and without guns? (Recommended)
The only acceptable place to smack a lady is her ass.
I'm pretty sure the cops are going to come question me tomorrow, about the wings I just murdered tonight.
I'm a shopaholic on the road to recovery... Just kidding. I'm actually on the road to the mall.
Oh honey I see right through fake smiles and fake kindness. God didn't give me a sixth sense for nothing.
You can't fix stupid, but you can watch it in action on Facebook every day.
You float my boat. Happy Valentine's Day
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