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  • I hope we have so much fun tonight that you have to tell me all about it tomorrow.
  • Congratulations on your little accident.
  • Happy Thanksgiving to someone as ungrateful as me.
  • If you serve me veggie burgers at your 4th of July BBQ I will slap you silly.
  • Valentine's Day. Ain't nobody got time for that shit.
  • I'd like to offer moral support but I have questionable morals.
  • I want to grow old and disgusting with you.
  • The best thing about you and me is me.
  • I'm pretty sure the cops are going to come question me tomorrow, about the wings I just murdered tonight.
  • I like to surround myself with people who share in my inappropriate comments, sarcasm and random shenanigans.
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