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I'd rather be home watching back to back episodes of Orange Is The New Black.
May your college memories last as long as your student loan payments.
Cheers to your breakup. It's about fucking time!
I knew we were made for each other when you high fived me after sex.
Bitch, I’m not insulting you, I’m describing you.
A real best friend makes your family question your sexuality.
Just remember that fireworks looks even more amazing when you're not constantly checking your iPhone.
Congratulations on your little accident.
If you pulled your head out of your ass, your life wouldn't seem so shitty.
You've stolen a pizza my heart