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I live in constant fear of accidentally mentioning something I only know about you because I've stalked you on the internet.
That’s very interesting. Why don’t you write it down, put it in an envelope, and mail it to someone that actually gives a crap!
The key to a happy marriage is to keep the fights clean and the sex dirty.
I like to surround myself with people who share in my inappropriate comments, sarcasm and random shenanigans.
If you pulled your head out of your ass, your life wouldn't seem so shitty.
Today marks the first anniversary of me remembering when your anniversary is.
Nothing is happiness like scoring front row tix to your fav band
I'm going to spend Valentine's Day with my true love... Food.
Happy International Women's Day
If woman is bad in parking, it's only because she is constantly lied about what 8 inched is.