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If woman is bad in parking, it's only because she is constantly lied about what 8 inched is.
Your GPA will open many doors for you.
Oh honey I see right through fake smiles and fake kindness. God didn't give me a sixth sense for nothing.
My boyfriend is like a trampoline... I don't have a trampoline.
I wrote all of your opinions on toilet paper so I can wipe my ass with it.
I used to think you took my breath away, then I realised I was just suffocating on your bullshit.
Just a reminder that your Valentine's Day plans for me, will be broadcast in real-time on at least three social media platforms.
A good friend will bail you out of jail. A true friend will be next to you saying, "damn, we fucked up".
We wish you a bloated Christmas and shit-faced New Year.
Some people just need a high five. In the face. With a chair.