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I'm so bored at work that I'm actually doing my job.
I know what I'm gonna be for Halloween...Drunk!
Today is the International Day for the Preservation of the Ozone Layer, so get a grip and stop polluting
Out for a ride today. Who is in?
I wrote a new song today.. It’s called “I could love you forever, If you were someone else.”
Oh, you think I need parenting advice? Well thank you so much, and by that, I mean eat shit and die!
You are my favorite husband
The older I get, the more I realize how much I fucking hate people.
If you can not win an argument, correct their grammar instead.
Happy Birthday to one of the few people whose birthday I can remember without a Facebook reminder.