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I'm going to hell in every religion!
True friends don't get offended when you insult them. They laugh and insult you back with something even better.
If swimming is such a great exercise, then why are whales so damn fat?
Just a reminder that your Valentine's Day plans for me, will be broadcast in real-time on at least three social media platforms.
Justin Timberlake should've won an award for the only person to make it out of Disney without a drug problem!
I was blessed with an awesome personality, a great ass, and a beautiful face. It just wouldn't be fair to the other girls if God gave me big boo...
Halloween means no difference to me... I'm a Witch all year.
You give me premature ventricular contractions
Well, this day was a total waste of make-up.
Being friends with co-workers is like having pet tigers...fun in theory but you still wonder when they will turn on you.