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4th of July
St. Patrick's Day
Thinking of you
What is 7 plus 8:
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My condolences on losing your balls.
Happy 24 hours of constant Facebook notifications day.
When I said that I cleaned my room, I just meant I made a path from the doorway to my bed.
My talents include taking my bra off without taking my shirt off.
Let's celebrate the day you gave up on finding anyone better than me.
YOU are the SONG in my Heart
Mom, thanks for not being famous enough to adopt a black baby instead of me.
Dear Mother Nature, Get back on your meds, open a bottle of wine, & start thinking warm, happy thoughts!
We are so hilarious. I feel bad for the people who don't get to listen to our conversations and enjoy our hilariousness.
I was going to make you a rum cake for your birthday. But now it's just a cake, and I'm drunk.
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