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Dear Santa, I'm writing you to let you know that I've been naughty... and it was worth it. You fat, judgmental bastard.
Please text me back so I know when it's a good time to call you to break up.
Failed another job interview today. Apparently taking part in an orgy isn’t proof that I can effectively work as part of a team.
Narcissism - It's my best friend.
Congratulations on sleeping with the same person for the rest of eternity.
All I want for Christmas is you... Nah just kidding :) Get me the latest swimming gear.
I don't drink when I golf. I take my drinking very seriously. Don't need that golf to get in my way!
Funny Valentine's Day Ecard: Happy Valentine's Day, liver. You've always been there for me.
Remember last year on St. Patrick's Day? Yeah... Me Neither.
Pasticceria Cocktail
