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I see all these posts from moms on how great their kids are and all the sweet things they do for them. Me? I'm just glad my kids haven't killed e...
Dear Santa, I'm writing you to let you know that I've been naughty... and it was worth it. You fat, judgmental bastard.
I dont always lose my phone... ...but when I do, it's always on silent.
I was blessed with an awesome personality, a great ass, and a beautiful face. It just wouldn't be fair to the other girls if God gave me big boo...
4th of July... Blah blah blah... let's drink!
I am not a complete idiot!!! There is a few parts missing.
A simple way to reduce shower time is masturbating beforehand.
I'm breaking up with my belly fat. Sorry, fat, you're just not looking good anymore.
Some people lack the ability to laugh at themselves. That's where I come in.
Funny Valentine's Day Ecard: If I worked in a restaurant on valentines day I would put fake engagement rings in all the women's glasses.