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Thanks for still wanting to have sex with me after seeing human beings emerge screaming for my vagina.
I'm pretty sure God created only 6 days, Monday was definitely made by Satan.
I work well with others when they leave me the fuck alone.
I don't regret burning my bridges. I regret that some people weren't on those bridges when I burnt them.
I'm not saying she's a slut, but her vagina volunteers a lot.
It's better to have loved and lost than to live with a psycho for the rest of your life.
I hope you like this present better than I did when I received it.
Just remember that fireworks looks even more amazing when you're not constantly checking your iPhone.
I didn't MEAN to...
I’m pretty sure I was supposed to be a princess. No seriously. Somebody needs to fix this.
