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I hope you like this present better than I did when I received it.
You are just like bacon, you make everything better. Happy Valentine's Day
Than God our Founding Fathers didn't decide to declare independence in winter.
Don't let the door hit you on the way out! Hell who am I kidding. I hope you fall down the Fucking stairs too.
Some people have the calm before the storm. I have the panic before the nothing.
Dad, Thanks for being irresponsible and not using condom. Happy Father's Day!
I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile
Santa has been reading your Facebook status… He’s going to send you a dictionary for Christmas.
I’m exhausted after a long day of not giving a fuck.
I’m not great at advice, may I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
