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I apologize that being a parent is very hard to fit into your schedule but what I did was canceled my life to make it work
The first person I hear complaining about this summer being too damn hot gets thunder-punched in the throat!
I eat cake on daily basis and I do not feel guilty, because I exercise.
Don't underestimate me darling, I can go from Lady to Ghetto in 2.5 seconds.
Save a turkey. Stuff a mother-in-law.
Dear, Wal-Mart mothers, Ignoring your screaming kid will NOT make him/her disappear or stop screaming.
I'm pretty sure the cops are going to come question me tomorrow, about the wings I just murdered tonight.
Thanks for going to great lengths to make feel okay about the size of my penis.
Your birthday reminds me of the old Chinese scholar: Yung No Mo.
There is no life without water, because without water there is no coffee and without coffee, I will kill you all :)