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If I’m still able to walk to the kitchen after sex, you don’t deserve a sandwich.
You make me wish I have more middle fingers.
This weekend should be fun...I have absolutely no intention on being good.
The next person that tells me I have Anger Issues is going to get the shit slapped out of them.
Happiness is finding half a bag of gummy bears in the bottom of your purse.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear. So I whispered, "Let's go Rangers," in her ear.
I’m not upset it’s Monday, I’m upset I have to change out of my Pajamas and put my bra back on.
Today is the: World Contraception Day
You want to know secret, how I reached high scores on Flappy Bird? I tap the screen with my middle finger.
No one showers and shaves faster than a woman who thinks she's about to get laid.
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