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Now accepting applications for a partner in crime, must have a sense of humor, attention to detail nudity may be required
I’m not great at advice, may I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
I scored 400 on Flappy Bird, should I put this achievement on my CV ?
Darling, It's not going to fuck itself...
When everyone is arguing about something you solved a long time ago, but won't let you talk...
What do you mean I should be more productive? Do you think this cocktail made itself?
I didn’t invent the word Bitch, I just perfected it.
I’m not upset it’s Monday, I’m upset I have to change out of my Pajamas and put my bra back on.
I wonder if she's still mad at me. Oh wait, she just "liked" my status. We're good.
Big or small? Pedigreed or rescue? Enough! My dog is a part of my soul. That's all you need to know!
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