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I will break both my arms to succeed in carrying all the groceries into the house in one trip. That's what a real woman does.
We bought you Crocs to protect your virginity son.
When I said that I cleaned my room, I just meant I made a path from the doorway to my bed.
I bet that when I was little girl my father never thought that I would grow up to be such a beautiful and loving financial obligation.
Wow honey, the house is so clean! Was the internet down for a while today?
My grandma said the Internet has completely ruined people’s ability to communicate properly. I told her she didn’t know fuck about shi...
I’m somewhat of a bullshitter myself, but occasionally, I like to listen to a real pro. Please carry on.
Dear Parents, Thank you for giving me a weird name. Sincerely, The child who doesn't have a customized key chain.
My family is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get but you can be sure there are gonna be some nuts in there somewhere.
Just added my son as a friend on Facebook and his status said WTF mom It’s so cute of him that he greeted me with Welcome To Facebook Mo...
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