Family
My mom thinks my friends are
bad influences but
honestly, I'm usually
the one coming up
with the ideas.
I'm so hungry I could eat my own
cooking.
When I said that I cleaned
my room, I just meant
I made a path from
the doorway to
my bed.
It's incredibly easy to balance
work & family when you
don't care about
either one.
I bet that when I was little girl my
father never thought
that I would grow
up to be such
a beautiful
and loving
financial
obligation.
Behind every crazy woman is a
man that made her that way.
Sometimes I look at my husband
and think...
"Damn, you are
one lucky man."
Friends are God’s way of
apologizing for family.
Never laugh at your wife’s
choices…..
You are one of them.
We bought you Crocs to protect
your virginity son.
There’s always that one crazy
family member who
ruins every
holiday.
My grandma said the Internet has
completely ruined
people’s ability to
communicate
properly. I told
her she didn’t
know fuck about shi...
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