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My mom thinks my friends are bad influences but honestly, I'm usually the one coming up with the ideas.
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I'm so hungry I could eat my own cooking.
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When I said that I cleaned my room, I just meant I made a path from the doorway to my bed.
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It's incredibly easy to balance work & family when you don't care about either one.
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I bet that when I was little girl my father never thought that I would grow up to be such a beautiful and loving financial obligation.
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Behind every crazy woman is a man that made her that way.
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Sometimes I look at my husband and think... "Damn, you are one lucky man."
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Friends are God’s way of apologizing for family.
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Never laugh at your wife’s choices….. You are one of them.
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We bought you Crocs to protect your virginity son.
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There’s always that one crazy family member who ruins every holiday.
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My grandma said the Internet has completely ruined people’s ability to communicate properly. I told her she didn’t know fuck about shi...
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  • I bet that when I was little girl my father never thought that I would grow up to be such a beautiful and loving financial obligation.
  • I’m somewhat of a bullshitter myself, but occasionally, I like to listen to a real pro. Please carry on.
  • Sometimes I look at my husband and think... "Damn, you are one lucky man."
  • I have often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my husband to go swimming.
  • I will break both my arms to succeed in carrying all the groceries into the house in one trip. That's what a real woman does.
  • We bought you Crocs to protect your virginity son.
  • Insanity doesn't run in my family. It strolls through getting to know us one at a time.
  • When I said that I cleaned my room, I just meant I made a path from the doorway to my bed.
  • I'm so hungry I could eat my own cooking.
  • Homemade with love. In other words I licked the spoon and I keep using it.
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