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Men: if you ever wanna know what a woman's mind feels like, imagine a browser with 2,857 tabs open. All.The.Time.
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I'm a shopaholic on the road to recovery... Just kidding. I'm actually on the road to the mall.
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If you need to talk, I will pretend to listen.
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My condolences on losing your balls.
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I'm always available to discuss your problems via text.
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I'd like to offer moral support but I have questionable morals.
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If you can not win an argument, correct their grammar instead.
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Don't forget that blow jobs are like flowers for men.
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The best thing about you and me is me.
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Apparently God only gives us what he thinks we can handle. He must think I'm a bad-ass.
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Welcome to the land where you can get sunburn and frostbite in the same week.
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I'm going to hell in every religion!
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  • My condolences on losing your balls.
  • Don't forget that blow jobs are like flowers for men.
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