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Today is the: World Contraception Day
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When everyone is arguing about something you solved a long time ago, but won't let you talk...
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Darling, It's not going to fuck itself...
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Club goin' up, on a Tuesday Got your girl in the cut and she choosey
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Nothing brightens up a room like your absence.
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I think Facebook is broken. I put up a status and no one "liked" it even though I refreshed it a few times.
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No one showers and shaves faster than a woman who thinks she's about to get laid.
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Big or small? Pedigreed or rescue? Enough! My dog is a part of my soul. That's all you need to know!
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I dont always lose my phone... ...but when I do, it's always on silent.
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That moment when you give someone advice, they don't listen to you, then you sit back and watch everything you predicted happen.
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Nothing taste as good as skinny feels. Except pizza. Or cake...
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I'm having an "out of money" experience!
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Today is the: World Contraception Day
Nothing taste as good as skinny feels. Except pizza. Or cake...
The next person that tells me I have Anger Issues is going to get the shit slapped out of them.
That moment when you give someone advice, they don't listen to you, then you sit back and watch everything you predicted happen.
Monday must be a man. It comes too quickly.
You want to know secret, how I reached high scores on Flappy Bird? I tap the screen with my middle finger.
I dont always lose my phone... ...but when I do, it's always on silent.
Warning: I'm in Bitch Mode and I can't be responsible for what happens today.
What do you mean I should be more productive? Do you think this cocktail made itself?
If I’m still able to walk to the kitchen after sex, you don’t deserve a sandwich.