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Don't underestimate me darling, I can go from Lady to Ghetto in 2.5 seconds.
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Happy birthday to someone who is smart, gorgeous, funny and reminds me alot of myself...from one fabulous bitch to another!
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All I want for Christmas is you... Nah just kidding :) I want my Flappy
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May your finals be as easy as you are.
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Fuck this, fuck you, fuck everyone. Just fuck this fucking shit, you mother fucker and for all you looking at me fuck off
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My condolences on losing your balls.
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If you need to talk, I will pretend to listen.
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Apparently God only gives us what he thinks we can handle. He must think I'm a bad-ass.
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People say you never know what you have until it's gone. Well, I know what I had and I'm glad you're gone.
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I was blessed with an awesome personality, a great ass, and a beautiful face. It just wouldn't be fair to the other girls if God gave me big boo...
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Thanks for texting me after the hurricane to see if I died.
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All I want for Christmas is you... Nah just kidding :) Get me bike parts!
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I don’t want to sound like a badass but, I eject my USB without removing it safely.
Dear Parents, Thank you for giving me a weird name. Sincerely, The child who doesn't have a customized key chain.
Thanks for still wanting to have sex with me after seeing human beings emerge screaming for my vagina.
I can't wait to nap trough 85% of my visit home.
I don't have a "Honey-Do" list... I have an "I'll-Do-It-My-Fucking- Self" list! And surprise! The shit gets done!
I'm pretty sure the cops are going to come question me tomorrow, about the wings I just murdered tonight.
Happy birthday, Claudiu!
I dont always lose my phone... ...but when I do, it's always on silent.
You can't fix stupid but you can watch it in action everyday at Parker Hannifin.
I'm a shopaholic on the road to recovery... Just kidding. I'm actually on the road to the mall.