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Don't underestimate me darling, I can go from Lady to Ghetto in 2.5 seconds.
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Apparently God only gives us what he thinks we can handle. He must think I'm a bad-ass.
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Happy birthday to someone who is smart, gorgeous, funny and reminds me alot of myself...from one fabulous bitch to another!
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All I want for Christmas is you... Nah just kidding :) I want my Flappy
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May your finals be as easy as you are.
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Fuck this, fuck you, fuck everyone. Just fuck this fucking shit, you mother fucker and for all you looking at me fuck off
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My condolences on losing your balls.
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If you need to talk, I will pretend to listen.
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Just added my son as a friend on Facebook and his status said WTF mom It’s so cute of him that he greeted me with Welcome To Facebook Mo...
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I am just going to keep calling and texting you until you under- stand how normal I am.
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Great minds think alike, but dirty minds work together.
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Dear Parents, Thank you for giving me a weird name. Sincerely, The child who doesn't have a customized key chain.
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Top This Week
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  • Happy birthday, Claudiu!
  • Before you tell me what I did wrong, you should first know that I don't care.
  • I already know I'm going to hell... At this point it's really go big or go home.
  • Just a reminder that your Valentine's Day plans for me, will be broadcast in real-time on at least three social media platforms.
  • That’s very interesting. Why don’t you write it down, put it in an envelope, and mail it to someone that actually gives a crap!
  • Congratulations on driving sober.
  • Kids who come to my door dressed as mini hookers are getting a bible for Halloween.
  • I can hardly wait to hear what I'm going to say.
  • There is no life without water, because without water there is no coffee and without coffee, I will kill you all :)
  • As if your swimming weren't embarrassing enough... Now you are going to ride a bike and run too? I really don't think this friendship is wor...
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