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Don't underestimate me darling, I can go from Lady to Ghetto in 2.5 seconds.
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If you need to talk, I will pretend to listen.
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Apparently God only gives us what he thinks we can handle. He must think I'm a bad-ass.
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Happy birthday to someone who is smart, gorgeous, funny and reminds me alot of myself...from one fabulous bitch to another!
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All I want for Christmas is you... Nah just kidding :) I want my Flappy
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May your finals be as easy as you are.
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Fuck this, fuck you, fuck everyone. Just fuck this fucking shit, you mother fucker and for all you looking at me fuck off
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My condolences on losing your balls.
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Make no mistake between my personality and my attitude. My personality is who I am. My attitude depends on who you are.
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My life would be nothing without Dexter.
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I like to surround myself with people who share in my inappropriate comments, sarcasm and random shenanigans.
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My family is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get but you can be sure there are gonna be some nuts in there somewhere.
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Homemade with love. In other words I licked the spoon and I keep using it.
We are so hilarious. I feel bad for the people who don't get to listen to our conversations and enjoy our hilariousness.
Happy Thanksgiving, because nothing makes me more thankful than several bottles of wine.
Irish coffee contains sugar, caffeine, fat and alcohol. Perfect for breakfast!
YOU are the SONG in my Heart
Today is the: World Contraception Day
I wish I really was as witty & sarcastic as people think I am, but the truth is that I'm just being brutally honest with them & they think ...
That’s very interesting. Why don’t you write it down, put it in an envelope, and mail it to someone that actually gives a crap!
Congratulations on probably not dying alone.
I'm going to save my resolution for 2015, I think I want to be an asshole for another year.