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Don't underestimate me darling, I can go from Lady to Ghetto in 2.5 seconds.
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Happy birthday to someone who is smart, gorgeous, funny and reminds me alot of myself...from one fabulous bitch to another!
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All I want for Christmas is you... Nah just kidding :) I want my Flappy
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May your finals be as easy as you are.
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Fuck this, fuck you, fuck everyone. Just fuck this fucking shit, you mother fucker and for all you looking at me fuck off
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My condolences on losing your balls.
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If you need to talk, I will pretend to listen.
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Apparently God only gives us what he thinks we can handle. He must think I'm a bad-ass.
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All I want for Christmas is you... Nah just kidding :) Get me bike parts!
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People say you never know what you have until it's gone. Well, I know what I had and I'm glad you're gone.
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I was blessed with an awesome personality, a great ass, and a beautiful face. It just wouldn't be fair to the other girls if God gave me big boo...
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Thanks for texting me after the hurricane to see if I died.
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May you live long enough to shit yourself.
I have an eating disorder. I'm about to eat dis order of french fries, dis order of wings, dis order of cheese cake.
I work well with others when they leave me the fuck alone.
I’m somewhat of a bullshitter myself, but occasionally, I like to listen to a real pro. Please carry on.
If woman speaks and no one is listening her name is probably mom.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the stupid people as they are, the courage to maintain self-control and the wisdom to know that if I act on ...
Let's not put a label on what we're doing, let's just say it works until we both find someone better.
Kids who come to my door dressed as mini hookers are getting a bible for Halloween.
I knew we were made for each other when you high fived me after sex.
You want to know secret, how I reached high scores on Flappy Bird? I tap the screen with my middle finger.