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Don't underestimate me darling, I can go from Lady to Ghetto in 2.5 seconds.
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Happy birthday to someone who is smart, gorgeous, funny and reminds me alot of myself...from one fabulous bitch to another!
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All I want for Christmas is you... Nah just kidding :) I want my Flappy
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May your finals be as easy as you are.
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Fuck this, fuck you, fuck everyone. Just fuck this fucking shit, you mother fucker and for all you looking at me fuck off
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My condolences on losing your balls.
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If you need to talk, I will pretend to listen.
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Apparently God only gives us what he thinks we can handle. He must think I'm a bad-ass.
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We have to play in the same sand box, so let's get along!
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If it wasn't for someone like me, things would get done around here.
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Your ass must get jealous of all the shit that comes out of your mouth.
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A real best friend makes your family question your sexuality.
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Dear Mom, I'm sorry about the stretch marks. Happy Mother's Day!
It's pretty cool that we've been together for however long we've been together.
I'm sorry, I can't find a prescription for stupid.
Congratulations on sleeping with the same person for the rest of eternity.
Today is a perfect day for you to treat an American veteran significantly better than America does.
May your life be one day so awesome like you pretend on Facebook :)
Most people don't realize this, but you can swim without telling Facebook about it.
Don't forget that blow jobs are like flowers for men.
In honor of Saint Patrick I like to start the day by pouring a pint of Guinness over a big bowl of Lucky Charms.
Darling, It's not going to fuck itself...