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Don't underestimate me darling, I can go from Lady to Ghetto in 2.5 seconds.
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May your finals be as easy as you are.
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Fuck this, fuck you, fuck everyone. Just fuck this fucking shit, you mother fucker and for all you looking at me fuck off
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My condolences on losing your balls.
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If you need to talk, I will pretend to listen.
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Apparently God only gives us what he thinks we can handle. He must think I'm a bad-ass.
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Happy birthday to someone who is smart, gorgeous, funny and reminds me alot of myself...from one fabulous bitch to another!
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All I want for Christmas is you... Nah just kidding :) I want my Flappy
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I'm going to hell in every religion!
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The most fun things in life are either immoral, illegal or they make you fat.
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You can't fix stupid... But you can sure as heck point and laugh at it!
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Thanks for spending your parent's hard-earned money on me.
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Thanksgiving makes me grateful Thanksgiving is almost over.
The only acceptable place to smack a lady is her ass.
You're a whore! Case closed.
Sometimes I wish my pet’s could talk, then I remember all the thing’s they’ve seen me do when I’m alone.
I scored 400 on Flappy Bird, should I put this achievement on my CV ?
I'm pretty sure Santa chooses Ho Ho Hos before Bros.
I hope you like this present better than I did when I received it.
I dont always lose my phone... ...but when I do, it's always on silent.
Happy Birthday to one of the few people whose birthday I can remember without a Facebook reminder.
The best thing about you and me is me.