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Don't underestimate me darling, I can go from Lady to Ghetto in 2.5 seconds.
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If you need to talk, I will pretend to listen.
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Apparently God only gives us what he thinks we can handle. He must think I'm a bad-ass.
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Happy birthday to someone who is smart, gorgeous, funny and reminds me alot of myself...from one fabulous bitch to another!
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All I want for Christmas is you... Nah just kidding :) I want my Flappy
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May your finals be as easy as you are.
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Fuck this, fuck you, fuck everyone. Just fuck this fucking shit, you mother fucker and for all you looking at me fuck off
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My condolences on losing your balls.
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When I kill a spider, I don't clean it up, I leave it there so the rest know not to fuck with me.
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All this bullshit made me strong motherfucker.
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Googling your symptoms when you don't feel well is the most efficient way to convince yourself you're dying.
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I’m exhausted after a long day of not giving a fuck.
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People say the secret to marriage is make sure you marry your best friend. Well, unfortunately I'm not a lesbian so you'll have to do.
Today, I didn't wear makeup. Four people asked me if I was feeling ok.Thanks for thinking my real face looks like I am physically ill.
Sorry I broke up with you via this ecard.
Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex.
Men will never know the agony of childbirth, menstrual cramps or taking off glitter nail polish.
Your ass must get jealous of all the shit that comes out of your mouth.
Sorry there's no Instagram filter to make you look less drunk in photos.