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I live in constant fear of accidentally mentioning something I only know about you because I've stalked you on the internet.
Sorry there's no Instagram filter to make you look less drunk in photos.
Remember when I asked for your opinion? Yeah, me neither.
Mocking stupid people is the glue that holds our friendship together!
You're a sarcastic asshole, you have a fucked up sense of humour and you're weird as fuck...I like that shit
True friends don't get offended when you insult them. They laugh and insult you back with something even better.
I'm not a psychologist, but I see your problem, and it is YOU.
As your best friend, I will always be there for you. Until you post a picture of me on Facebook I didn’t approve.
Happy birthday to someone who is smart, gorgeous, funny and reminds me alot of myself...from one fabulous bitch to another!
I like to surround myself with people who share in my inappropriate comments, sarcasm and random shenanigans.
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