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Your gift was absolutely perfect for someone who's not me.
Thanks for texting me after the hurricane to see if I died.
I was blessed with an awesome personality, a great ass, and a beautiful face. It just wouldn't be fair to the other girls if God gave me big boo...
Thanks for being my support. You're like a good bra, you always "perk" me up.
Thanks for spending your parent's hard-earned money on me.
Thanks for going to great lengths to make feel okay about the size of my penis.
Thanks for ignoring all my calls and texts while updating your Facebook every 5 minutes from your phone.
Dear liver, Thanks for all the support last night. I couldn't have done it without you!
Thanks. Your gift was absolutely perfect for someone who's not me.
Darling, it was the best 30 seconds, ever. Really.
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