It's A Bird! It's A Plane! No... Wait... It's J eCard

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I wish I really was as witty & sarcastic as people think I am, but the truth is that I'm just being brutally honest with them & they think ...
Sunday...a day of rest...REST of the laundry, REST of the housework and REST of all the other crap I didn't do Yesterday!!!
I'm not saying she's a slut, but her vagina volunteers a lot.
The most fun things in life are either immoral, illegal or they make you fat.
Men will never know the agony of childbirth, menstrual cramps or taking off glitter nail polish.
Tried to count my swear words for one day. F**k that shit. I was born to swear.
Narcissism - It's my best friend.
Pink is the only color I finger paint with!
Sometimes I wrestle with my inner demons. Other times, we just hug.
I'm pretty sure the cops are going to come question me tomorrow, about the wings I just murdered tonight.