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Some people lack the ability to laugh at themselves. That's where I come in.
Honey, stop with the lies. Did you forget we know you in real life?
i hate it when people tell me swearing isn't necessary. I'm fucking vulgar, not stupid; I know it isn't fucking necessary!
I'd do anything to lose 101lbs, except eat healthy and work out.
I'd let you kiss me on the mouth immediately after oral sex.
Bitch, I’m not insulting you, I’m describing you.
I'm not saying she's a slut, but her vagina volunteers a lot.
I'm kind of lady, but definitely more of a pervert.
Dear life, When I asked if my day could get worse, it was a rhetorical question not a challenge.
Narcissism - It's my best friend.
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