I Am Not A Complete Idiot!!! There Is A Few Parts eCard

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If you have a problem with me please write it nicely on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope, fold it up and shove it up your ass.
Some people have the calm before the storm. I have the panic before the nothing.
Know how I know I like you? When I think about you I get all tingly in my special place.
Men will never know the agony of childbirth, menstrual cramps or taking off glitter nail polish.
Sometimes when people are talking to me I daydream about what they would do if I suddenly punched them right in the face.
Today I will not be Wearing a bra, Getting dressed, Or leaving the house Lazy Sunday
We can't all be princesses, someone has to clap when I walk by.
Dear life, When I asked if my day could get worse, it was a rhetorical question not a challenge.
Of course I'm an angel! The horns are just there to keep my halo straight.
I'm already going to Hell. Now I'm just trying to get a good spot!