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My life is a very complicated drinking game.
Dear life, When I asked if my day could get worse, it was a rhetorical question not a challenge.
I’m pretty sure I was supposed to be a princess. No seriously. Somebody needs to fix this.
We can't all be princesses, someone has to clap when I walk by.
Instead of milk with my cereal I use vodka, and also instead of my cereal I use cranberry juice.
It's a bird! It's a plane! No... wait... It's just that flying fuck I don't give.
i hate it when people tell me swearing isn't necessary. I'm fucking vulgar, not stupid; I know it isn't fucking necessary!
Tried to count my swear words for one day. F**k that shit. I was born to swear.
Men will never know the agony of childbirth, menstrual cramps or taking off glitter nail polish.
I may have over-trusted that fart.
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