Even The Fish Wouldn't Have Got Caught If He Wou eCard

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Your ass must get jealous of all the shit that comes out of your mouth.
If you have a problem with me please write it nicely on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope, fold it up and shove it up your ass.
I may have over-trusted that fart.
Some people lack the ability to laugh at themselves. That's where I come in.
Of course I'm an angel! The horns are just there to keep my halo straight.
Honey, stop with the lies. Did you forget we know you in real life?
I'm pretty sure the cops are going to come question me tomorrow, about the wings I just murdered tonight.
Dear life, When I asked if my day could get worse, it was a rhetorical question not a challenge.
Narcissism - It's my best friend.
My top 5 exercises: 1) jumping to conclusions 2) flying off the handle 3) carrying things too far 4) dodging responsibilities 5) pushing my luc...