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4th of July
St. Patrick's Day
Thinking of you
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When girls say; "Lets do dinner or something." I'm always thinking "something" is more rewarding.
My talents include taking my bra off without taking my shirt off.
Instead of milk with my cereal I use vodka, and also instead of my cereal I use cranberry juice.
I'd do anything to lose 101lbs, except eat healthy and work out.
The most fun things in life are either immoral, illegal or they make you fat.
The best part of my day is when my pills kick in. I love Unicorns!
My favorite winter activity is going back inside and putting my pajamas on.
Even the fish wouldn't have got caught if he would of kept his mouth shut
There is no life without water, because without water there is no coffee and without coffee, I will kill you all :)
Your face looks like a pussy and I'm in the mood for fisting.
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