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Instead of milk with my cereal I use vodka, and also instead of my cereal I use cranberry juice.
Narcissism - It's my best friend.
Some people just need a high five. In the face. With a chair.
Money can't buy me happiness, but I'd much rather cry in a mansion.
I'm not saying she's a slut, but her vagina volunteers a lot.
I'd do anything to lose 101lbs, except eat healthy and work out.
I don’t need Therapy. I have Wine.
i hate it when people tell me swearing isn't necessary. I'm fucking vulgar, not stupid; I know it isn't fucking necessary!
I used to care, but now I take a pill for that
Bitchcraft : The art of pissing people off by telling them the truth.
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