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The older I get, the more I realize how much I fucking hate people.
Well, this day was a total waste of make-up.
Some people have the calm before the storm. I have the panic before the nothing.
I don’t want to sound like a badass but, I eject my USB without removing it safely.
If you have a problem with me please write it nicely on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope, fold it up and shove it up your ass.
I'd let you kiss me on the mouth immediately after oral sex.
Honey, stop with the lies. Did you forget we know you in real life?
Dear life, When I asked if my day could get worse, it was a rhetorical question not a challenge.
We can't all be princesses, someone has to clap when I walk by.
When girls say; "Lets do dinner or something." I'm always thinking "something" is more rewarding.
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