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4th of July
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I saw your Tumblr pictures….. You’re getting clothes and a Bible for Christmas.
All I want for Christmas is you... Nah just kidding :) I want my Flappy
You say Merry Christmas... I say pass the vodka.
...and the cup for Mommy so she won't have to drink straight from her wine bottle.
Let's not get each other gifts unless you already got me one.
Dear Santa, For Christmas I want a fat bank account and a thin body. Please don’t fuck it up like you did last year and the year before ...
We wish you a bloated Christmas and shit-faced New Year.
May your medications trick you into believing you're actually having a Merry Christmas.
I'm a shopaholic on the road to recovery.... Just kidding. I'm actually on the road to the Dollar Tree
I hope you like this present better than I did when I received it.
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