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I wish I could order Karma like pizza and have it delivered in 30 min or less.
that moment when you abandon the group prank call script and wing it... "IM FROM THE VA BCH DEPT OF DEA BUREAU.. WE'LL BE RAIDING YOU IN A HOU...
It's not you, it's my horrible choice in men.
I don't regret burning my bridges. I regret that some people weren't on those bridges when I burnt them.
I'm breaking up with my belly fat. Sorry, fat, you're just not looking good anymore.
I would delete you off of my Facebook friends list, but then you wouldn't be able to see all the fun things I do without you.
Life is too short to date a douche bag.
Anybody who’s said break ups are hard obviously hasn’t used shopping as a healing process.
Always remember... Karma has no deadline
Please text me back so I know when it's a good time to call you to break up.
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