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Thinking of you
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America was not shut down properly. Would you like to start America in safe mode, with free healthcare and without guns? (Recommended)
If you need to talk, I will pretend to listen.
My condolences on losing your balls.
I'm a shopaholic on the road to recovery... Just kidding. I'm actually on the road to the mall.
If you can not win an argument, correct their grammar instead.
I'm always available to discuss your problems via text.
Don't forget that blow jobs are like flowers for men.
Men: if you ever wanna know what a woman's mind feels like, imagine a browser with 2,857 tabs open. All.The.Time.
I'm going to hell in every religion!
Welcome to the land where you can get sunburn and frostbite in the same week.
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