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Everyone needs a smart-assed, sarcastic friend. I'm so happy to be of service to you.
You're a sarcastic asshole, you have a fucked up sense of humour and you're weird as fuck...I like that shit
Sorry there's no Instagram filter to make you look less drunk in photos.
I'm not a psychologist, but I see your problem, and it is YOU.
Your secret is safe with me and my best friend.
Mocking stupid people is the glue that holds our friendship together!
True friends don't get offended when you insult them. They laugh and insult you back with something even better.
I have come to the conclusion that I should definitely drink more when trying to deal with you.
I live in constant fear of accidentally mentioning something I only know about you because I've stalked you on the internet.
A real friend is someone who knows how totally crazy you really are, but is still willing to be seen out in public with you.
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