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Failed another job interview today. Apparently taking part in an orgy isn’t proof that I can effectively work as part of a team.
Nothing taste as good as skinny feels. Except pizza. Or cake...
Sometimes I wish my pet’s could talk, then I remember all the thing’s they’ve seen me do when I’m alone.
Coffee... The old school Energy Drink
When everyone is arguing about something you solved a long time ago, but won't let you talk...
What do you mean I should be more productive? Do you think this cocktail made itself?
Big or small? Pedigreed or rescue? Enough! My dog is a part of my soul. That's all you need to know!
I dont always lose my phone... ...but when I do, it's always on silent.
You want to know secret, how I reached high scores on Flappy Bird? I tap the screen with my middle finger.
That moment when you give someone advice, they don't listen to you, then you sit back and watch everything you predicted happen.
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