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If I’m still able to walk to the kitchen after sex, you don’t deserve a sandwich.
No one showers and shaves faster than a woman who thinks she's about to get laid.
The next person that tells me I have Anger Issues is going to get the shit slapped out of them.
Let's not put a label on what we're doing, let's just say it works until we both find someone better.
I dont always lose my phone... ...but when I do, it's always on silent.
Water is so good when it’s mixed with barley, hops, and yeast.
I didn’t invent the word Bitch, I just perfected it.
I can hardly wait to hear what I'm going to say.
I think Facebook is broken. I put up a status and no one "liked" it even though I refreshed it a few times.
Big or small? Pedigreed or rescue? Enough! My dog is a part of my soul. That's all you need to know!
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