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Sometimes I wish my pet’s could talk, then I remember all the thing’s they’ve seen me do when I’m alone.
Nothing taste as good as skinny feels. Except pizza. Or cake...
Monday must be a man. It comes too quickly.
I didn’t invent the word Bitch, I just perfected it.
I scored 400 on Flappy Bird, should I put this achievement on my CV ?
If I’m still able to walk to the kitchen after sex, you don’t deserve a sandwich.
I'm having an "out of money" experience!
Happiness is finding half a bag of gummy bears in the bottom of your purse.
You make me wish I have more middle fingers.
I’m not great at advice, may I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
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