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Your gift was absolutely perfect for someone who's not me.
Thanks for spending your parent's hard-earned money on me.
Thanks for being my support. You're like a good bra, you always "perk" me up.
I don't have a "Honey-Do" list... I have an "I'll-Do-It-My-Fucking- Self" list! And surprise! The shit gets done!
I was blessed with an awesome personality, a great ass, and a beautiful face. It just wouldn't be fair to the other girls if God gave me big boo...
Thanks for going to great lengths to make feel okay about the size of my penis.
"How beautiful a day can be, when kindness touches it!" ... George Elliston said
Dear liver, Thanks for all the support last night. I couldn't have done it without you!
Thanks for texting me after the hurricane to see if I died.
Thanks. Your gift was absolutely perfect for someone who's not me.
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