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My grandma said the Internet has completely ruined people’s ability to communicate properly. I told her she didn’t know fuck about shi...
I have often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my husband to go swimming.
When I said that I cleaned my room, I just meant I made a path from the doorway to my bed.
It's incredibly easy to balance work & family when you don't care about either one.
Homemade with love. In other words I licked the spoon and I keep using it.
My family is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get but you can be sure there are gonna be some nuts in there somewhere.
Friends are God’s way of apologizing for family.
I'm so hungry I could eat my own cooking.
Never laugh at your wife’s choices….. You are one of them.
There’s always that one crazy family member who ruins every holiday.
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