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My grandma said the Internet has completely ruined people’s ability to communicate properly. I told her she didn’t know fuck about shi...
Behind every crazy woman is a man that made her that way.
Dear Parents, Thank you for giving me a weird name. Sincerely, The child who doesn't have a customized key chain.
I will break both my arms to succeed in carrying all the groceries into the house in one trip. That's what a real woman does.
We bought you Crocs to protect your virginity son.
Being Mommy means never being lonely in the bathroom.
When I said that I cleaned my room, I just meant I made a path from the doorway to my bed.
It's incredibly easy to balance work & family when you don't care about either one.
Friends are God’s way of apologizing for family.
Insanity doesn't run in my family. It strolls through getting to know us one at a time.
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