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If I’m still able to walk to the kitchen after sex, you don’t deserve a sandwich.
I don’t get how people can have sex on airplanes. Where do they shower and cry when they’re done?
What do you mean I should be more productive? Do you think this cocktail made itself?
I scored 400 on Flappy Bird, should I put this achievement on my CV ?
Nothing taste as good as skinny feels. Except pizza. Or cake...
No one showers and shaves faster than a woman who thinks she's about to get laid.
I think Facebook is broken. I put up a status and no one "liked" it even though I refreshed it a few times.
Big or small? Pedigreed or rescue? Enough! My dog is a part of my soul. That's all you need to know!
Monday must be a man. It comes too quickly.
Nothing brightens up a room like your absence.
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