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Big or small? Pedigreed or rescue? Enough! My dog is a part of my soul. That's all you need to know!
I didn’t invent the word Bitch, I just perfected it.
When everyone is arguing about something you solved a long time ago, but won't let you talk...
I’m not great at advice, may I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear. So I whispered, "Let's go Rangers," in her ear.
You make me wish I have more middle fingers.
Happiness is finding half a bag of gummy bears in the bottom of your purse.
Monday must be a man. It comes too quickly.
I don’t get how people can have sex on airplanes. Where do they shower and cry when they’re done?
Nothing brightens up a room like your absence.
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