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4th of July
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Thinking of you
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Nothing brightens up a room like your absence.
Fuck this, fuck you, fuck everyone. Just fuck this fucking shit, you mother fucker and for all you looking at me fuck off
When everyone is arguing about something you solved a long time ago, but won't let you talk...
You want to know secret, how I reached high scores on Flappy Bird? I tap the screen with my middle finger.
I didn’t invent the word Bitch, I just perfected it.
Failed another job interview today. Apparently taking part in an orgy isn’t proof that I can effectively work as part of a team.
I’m not upset it’s Monday, I’m upset I have to change out of my Pajamas and put my bra back on.
What do you mean I should be more productive? Do you think this cocktail made itself?
Club goin' up, on a Tuesday Got your girl in the cut and she choosey
Now accepting applications for a partner in crime, must have a sense of humor, attention to detail nudity may be required
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