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I scored 400 on Flappy Bird, should I put this achievement on my CV ?
Happiness is finding half a bag of gummy bears in the bottom of your purse.
If I’m still able to walk to the kitchen after sex, you don’t deserve a sandwich.
Today is the: World Contraception Day
Monday must be a man. It comes too quickly.
I dont always lose my phone... ...but when I do, it's always on silent.
I didn’t invent the word Bitch, I just perfected it.
Warning: I'm in Bitch Mode and I can't be responsible for what happens today.
No one showers and shaves faster than a woman who thinks she's about to get laid.
Now accepting applications for a partner in crime, must have a sense of humor, attention to detail nudity may be required
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