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She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear. So I whispered, "Let's go Rangers," in her ear.
Nothing taste as good as skinny feels. Except pizza. Or cake...
Today is the: World Contraception Day
Now accepting applications for a partner in crime, must have a sense of humor, attention to detail nudity may be required
No one showers and shaves faster than a woman who thinks she's about to get laid.
This weekend should be fun...I have absolutely no intention on being good.
I don’t get how people can have sex on airplanes. Where do they shower and cry when they’re done?
If I’m still able to walk to the kitchen after sex, you don’t deserve a sandwich.
Fuck this, fuck you, fuck everyone. Just fuck this fucking shit, you mother fucker and for all you looking at me fuck off
I'm having an "out of money" experience!
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