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All this bullshit made me strong motherfucker.
Well, this day was a total waste of make-up.
My talents include taking my bra off without taking my shirt off.
I used to care, but now I take a pill for that
Sometimes when people are talking to me I daydream about what they would do if I suddenly punched them right in the face.
Narcissism - It's my best friend.
I may have over-trusted that fart.
I apologize that being a parent is very hard to fit into your schedule but what I did was canceled my life to make it work
Dear life, When I asked if my day could get worse, it was a rhetorical question not a challenge.
Money can't buy me happiness, but I'd much rather cry in a mansion.