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Sometimes when people are talking to me I daydream about what they would do if I suddenly punched them right in the face.
Even the fish wouldn't have got caught if he would of kept his mouth shut
I don’t need Therapy. I have Wine.
My life is a very complicated drinking game.
There is no life without water, because without water there is no coffee and without coffee, I will kill you all :)
i hate it when people tell me swearing isn't necessary. I'm fucking vulgar, not stupid; I know it isn't fucking necessary!
I may have over-trusted that fart.
I don’t want to sound like a badass but, I eject my USB without removing it safely.
You can't fix stupid, but you can watch it in action on Facebook every day.
I apologize that being a parent is very hard to fit into your schedule but what I did was canceled my life to make it work
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