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The most fun things in life are either immoral, illegal or they make you fat.
I don’t want to sound like a badass but, I eject my USB without removing it safely.
Know how I know I like you? When I think about you I get all tingly in my special place.
Well, this day was a total waste of make-up.
I may have over-trusted that fart.
I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is easy and fun.
Of course I'm an angel! The horns are just there to keep my halo straight.
I don’t need Therapy. I have Wine.
I'd let you kiss me on the mouth immediately after oral sex.
When girls say; "Lets do dinner or something." I'm always thinking "something" is more rewarding.
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