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You can't fix stupid, but you can watch it in action on Facebook every day.
I don’t need Therapy. I have Wine.
I'm pretty sure the cops are going to come question me tomorrow, about the wings I just murdered tonight.
I must admit, you brought religion into my life, I never believed in hell until I met you.
Sometimes I wrestle with my inner demons. Other times, we just hug.
A simple way to reduce shower time is masturbating beforehand.
Men will never know the agony of childbirth, menstrual cramps or taking off glitter nail polish.
If you have a problem with me please write it nicely on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope, fold it up and shove it up your ass.
Some people lack the ability to laugh at themselves. That's where I come in.
I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is easy and fun.
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