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If I were a Lannister you would be my sister.
I apologize that being a parent is very hard to fit into your schedule but what I did was canceled my life to make it work
The older I get, the more I realize how much I fucking hate people.
My talents include taking my bra off without taking my shirt off.
Some people lack the ability to laugh at themselves. That's where I come in.
I used to care, but now I take a pill for that
My life is a very complicated drinking game.
Dear life, When I asked if my day could get worse, it was a rhetorical question not a challenge.
Know how I know I like you? When I think about you I get all tingly in my special place.
