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4th of July
St. Patrick's Day
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i hate it when people tell me swearing isn't necessary. I'm fucking vulgar, not stupid; I know it isn't fucking necessary!
Some people lack the ability to laugh at themselves. That's where I come in.
I must admit, you brought religion into my life, I never believed in hell until I met you.
Bitch, I’m not insulting you, I’m describing you.
I'm pretty sure the cops are going to come question me tomorrow, about the wings I just murdered tonight.
Some people have the calm before the storm. I have the panic before the nothing.
Well, this day was a total waste of make-up.
A simple way to reduce shower time is masturbating beforehand.
God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world. Then He made the earth round...and laughed and l...
Dear life, When I asked if my day could get worse, it was a rhetorical question not a challenge.
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