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4th of July
St. Patrick's Day
Thinking of you
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Narcissism - It's my best friend.
I may have over-trusted that fart.
My talents include taking my bra off without taking my shirt off.
I'm already going to Hell. Now I'm just trying to get a good spot!
Know how I know I like you? When I think about you I get all tingly in my special place.
If I were a Lannister you would be my sister.
If you have a problem with me please write it nicely on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope, fold it up and shove it up your ass.
Instead of milk with my cereal I use vodka, and also instead of my cereal I use cranberry juice.
Men will never know the agony of childbirth, menstrual cramps or taking off glitter nail polish.
A simple way to reduce shower time is masturbating beforehand.
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