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I dont always lose my phone... ...but when I do, it's always on silent.
Failed another job interview today. Apparently taking part in an orgy isn’t proof that I can effectively work as part of a team.
Club goin' up, on a Tuesday Got your girl in the cut and she choosey
I scored 400 on Flappy Bird, should I put this achievement on my CV ?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear. So I whispered, "Let's go Rangers," in her ear.
You want to know secret, how I reached high scores on Flappy Bird? I tap the screen with my middle finger.
Warning: I'm in Bitch Mode and I can't be responsible for what happens today.
Fuck this, fuck you, fuck everyone. Just fuck this fucking shit, you mother fucker and for all you looking at me fuck off
No one showers and shaves faster than a woman who thinks she's about to get laid.
Nothing brightens up a room like your absence.
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