I Hate It When People Tell Me Swearing Isn't N eCard

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I'd do anything to lose 101lbs, except eat healthy and work out.
I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is easy and fun.
Your ass must get jealous of all the shit that comes out of your mouth.
Even the fish wouldn't have got caught if he would of kept his mouth shut
When girls say; "Lets do dinner or something." I'm always thinking "something" is more rewarding.
This could be my medication talking but im feeling good
Dear life, When I asked if my day could get worse, it was a rhetorical question not a challenge.
Men will never know the agony of childbirth, menstrual cramps or taking off glitter nail polish.
Instead of milk with my cereal I use vodka, and also instead of my cereal I use cranberry juice.
I must admit, you brought religion into my life, I never believed in hell until I met you.