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The best part of my day is when my pills kick in. I love Unicorns!
Some people lack the ability to laugh at themselves. That's where I come in.
If you have a problem with me please write it nicely on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope, fold it up and shove it up your ass.
Men will never know the agony of childbirth, menstrual cramps or taking off glitter nail polish.
A simple way to reduce shower time is masturbating beforehand.
I don’t need Therapy. I have Wine.
If I were a Lannister you would be my sister.
My top 5 exercises: 1) jumping to conclusions 2) flying off the handle 3) carrying things too far 4) dodging responsibilities 5) pushing my luc...
Money can't buy me happiness, but I'd much rather cry in a mansion.
Know how I know I like you? When I think about you I get all tingly in my special place.
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