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Your face looks like a pussy and I'm in the mood for fisting.
My life is a very complicated drinking game.
I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is easy and fun.
I'm pretty sure the cops are going to come question me tomorrow, about the wings I just murdered tonight.
Well, this day was a total waste of make-up.
I'm not saying she's a slut, but her vagina volunteers a lot.
I may have over-trusted that fart.
I'm sorry for the unkind words I spoke out of hunger.
The best part of my day is when my pills kick in. I love Unicorns!
I apologize that being a parent is very hard to fit into your schedule but what I did was canceled my life to make it work