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Some people lack the ability to laugh at themselves. That's where I come in.
The most fun things in life are either immoral, illegal or they make you fat.
A simple way to reduce shower time is masturbating beforehand.
Tried to count my swear words for one day. F**k that shit. I was born to swear.
Bitch, I’m not insulting you, I’m describing you.
Bitchcraft : The art of pissing people off by telling them the truth.
I don’t need Therapy. I have Wine.
It's a bird! It's a plane! No... wait... It's just that flying fuck I don't give.
I’m pretty sure I was supposed to be a princess. No seriously. Somebody needs to fix this.
When girls say; "Lets do dinner or something." I'm always thinking "something" is more rewarding.
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