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Your secret is safe with me and my best friend.
We are so hilarious. I feel bad for the people who don't get to listen to our conversations and enjoy our hilariousness.
A real best friend makes your family question your sexuality.
You're a sarcastic asshole, you have a fucked up sense of humour and you're weird as fuck...I like that shit
I'm not a psychologist, but I see your problem, and it is YOU.
I think I have Alzheimer's because I can't remember when I asked you for your fucking opinion?
Make no mistake between my personality and my attitude. My personality is who I am. My attitude depends on who you are.
Everyone needs a smart-assed, sarcastic friend. I'm so happy to be of service to you.
I like to surround myself with people who share in my inappropriate comments, sarcasm and random shenanigans.
I live in constant fear of accidentally mentioning something I only know about you because I've stalked you on the internet.
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