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Sorry there's no Instagram filter to make you look less drunk in photos.
I like to surround myself with people who share in my inappropriate comments, sarcasm and random shenanigans.
Mocking stupid people is the glue that holds our friendship together!
Happy birthday to someone who is smart, gorgeous, funny and reminds me alot of myself...from one fabulous bitch to another!
I live in constant fear of accidentally mentioning something I only know about you because I've stalked you on the internet.
Your secret is safe with me and my best friend.
I'm not a psychologist, but I see your problem, and it is YOU.
Make no mistake between my personality and my attitude. My personality is who I am. My attitude depends on who you are.
I think I have Alzheimer's because I can't remember when I asked you for your fucking opinion?
Remember when I asked for your opinion? Yeah, me neither.