True Friends Don't Get Offended When You Insult eCard

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Make no mistake between my personality and my attitude. My personality is who I am. My attitude depends on who you are.
I think I have Alzheimer's because I can't remember when I asked you for your fucking opinion?
Everyone needs a smart-assed, sarcastic friend. I'm so happy to be of service to you.
We are so hilarious. I feel bad for the people who don't get to listen to our conversations and enjoy our hilariousness.
I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile.
True friends don't get offended when you insult them. They laugh and insult you back with something even better.
Your secret is safe with me and my best friend.
Sorry there's no Instagram filter to make you look less drunk in photos.
I have come to the conclusion that I should definitely drink more when trying to deal with you.
Behind every good woman is a good friend.