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Mocking stupid people is the glue that holds our friendship together!
Behind every good woman is a good friend.
A real best friend makes your family question your sexuality.
Remember when I asked for your opinion? Yeah, me neither.
I think I have Alzheimer's because I can't remember when I asked you for your fucking opinion?
Your secret is safe with me and my best friend.
A real friend is someone who knows how totally crazy you really are, but is still willing to be seen out in public with you.
I'm not a psychologist, but I see your problem, and it is YOU.
Make no mistake between my personality and my attitude. My personality is who I am. My attitude depends on who you are.
I live in constant fear of accidentally mentioning something I only know about you because I've stalked you on the internet.