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Some people lack the ability to laugh at themselves. That's where I come in.
When girls say; "Lets do dinner or something." I'm always thinking "something" is more rewarding.
I used to care, but now I take a pill for that
I don’t want to sound like a badass but, I eject my USB without removing it safely.
Dear life, When I asked if my day could get worse, it was a rhetorical question not a challenge.
I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is easy and fun.
I love everybody, Some I love to be around, some I love to avoid and some I would love to punch in the face.
Well, this day was a total waste of make-up.
My favorite winter activity is going back inside and putting my pajamas on.
I don’t need Therapy. I have Wine.
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