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My talents include taking my bra off without taking my shirt off.
Narcissism - It's my best friend.
All this bullshit made me strong motherfucker.
I’m pretty sure I was supposed to be a princess. No seriously. Somebody needs to fix this.
Your ass must get jealous of all the shit that comes out of your mouth.
Of course I'm an angel! The horns are just there to keep my halo straight.
Instead of milk with my cereal I use vodka, and also instead of my cereal I use cranberry juice.
Tried to count my swear words for one day. F**k that shit. I was born to swear.
I don’t need Therapy. I have Wine.
I apologize that being a parent is very hard to fit into your schedule but what I did was canceled my life to make it work
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